Blue blue day

Today's definitely not a good day for me. A very bad one in fact. Despite everytime i complained of how hard my life is over here, the way i live frugally over here, everything seems so unfair to me over here, or how lonely i felt all the time, today's the first time that i wish i could end my life once and for all! I know im Miss Pessimistic, but this thought have been running over and over in my head since this morning...

And up until now... and moments before i took my dinner just now, im actually considering which methods would be the better one. Geez. Can anyone tell me?

I can see no future in myself. If that's the case, there's no point why i continue living here and being a burden to everyone around me. Life is so hard, so why not end it?

I snuggled up under my blanket and have a long long cry since i came back from class. I cannot see any open route towards what im facing. My heart felt so heavy that it feels like sunking right through to the bottom, and out of my body. I felt really helpless. I wanted to drown myself in the tub. I seriously want to.

I think that's a lot better than going insane and still living, and at the same time being a burden to ppl around u. Make sense rite? Why not end all the misery?

Talking about misery... I felt so lonely, alone in misery. Hou san fu... can hardly breathe. My current song addiction is Mr. Lonely cos it pictures me in a relatively good way 'cept that im Miss Lonely. Yes i am. I've got no one but all alone, on a stranded island.

Thanks a lot to those msn frens who spend some times chatting with me and finding out wut happens to me. Well, i cant exactly say out what's wrong in myself, or tells you exactly what happens, but i truly do appreciate the attention from you all.. Jason says it's bcos of depression. Depression is caused by loneliness. Then you hear inner voices, and you bcome uncertain in your own world. You dont know what to do and what not to do. I think that makes up what im facing. But it sounds kinda like a psychotic case to me. Lol.. His suggestion was that i should go out and talk to people, instead of locking myself in my own cage. Yes, i need people in my life. But im not a socialize-able kind of person. So someone help me pls.. Talk to me!

Baybee gave me a hug today. A hug that i need the most despite of every other things. I sink into his arms and i started crying again. Very pathetic u think? No no.. Though it's a all-in-msn thingy, but i felt his hug, and i really cried when im wrapped in his arms. Bcos i need him.

That's what i need the most now. Being wrapped around his arm and have a good cry.

I feel so dehydrated now. I know i will continue crying myself to sleep tonight. I know crying does not solve any problems but that's the best i can do now, other than jumping out of my room window *touchwood* It's the same like guys going to the bar to get drunk when they face problems. So blame me not. I've been a crybaby for since God knows when.

Dont ask me what i need to cheer myself up. I just need you...