Is it true?

... that jealousy is caused by lack of trust?

I've been having this thought in my mind since i came across that certain thing, and haven't had my sleep last night. *yawn*

And while having lectures this morning, i couldn't even open my eyes and kept dozing off and had Prof. Clark calling out my names for a few times. Eeeek, how embarrassing!

But why should i put myself in this type of torture since he doesn't even care a tiny bit?

Therefore when this question came into mind, - why am i brooding about this over and over, why am i making a fuss over this thing, why do i feel something sharp piercing into my heart to an extent that i felt a heavy heart and difficulty breathing, why do i care so much - i thought it was mere jealousy that happens in all relationships.

And hence i've decided to trust him once more. I don't know about you guys, but for me, it certainly need a gallon of courage for me to take the risk of having my heart crushed once more, by any means. So i called him, with an eager heart to hear a sincere explanation. I assured myself that everything would be alright, and even if it's not, i shall not make a fuss over it in the phone.

The phone call lasted only 17 seconds. For God's sake, 17 seconds!!!! Which means.... nothing i expected came into reality. No explanation, no nothing.

This morning i woke up to a msg from friend. She was so concerned about me, that i cried after reading her msg. The hugs came at the right time, when i needed it the most. But what's bothering me was, why isn't there a single msg from someone whom i wanted to hear from the most? why isn't that someone in particular be more concerned towards what i'm feeling? why isn't there a word of comfort from that someone?

I've been real silence for the whole of yesterday, and it doesn't bothered him even a tiny bit.. It doesn't even bothered him that i could be unhappy? sad? sick? or dead, even?? I don't know.. i just need an answer...

I've been trying real hard to stay as optimistic as possible. To have all the positive thinkings instead of the negative. But it's just so pathetic. Don't you find it hilarious that i am the one assuring myself instead of him assuring me that we're gonna be alright? Isn't it funny that i am the one telling myself that he loves me instead of him telling me?

By the end of the day, i don't think this is jealousy, but insecurity.